Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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