I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
