he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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