so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
