I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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