my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Panties = found
Randomize
