Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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