you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
