first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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