i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
