Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
