I accidentally had phone sex last night
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Randomize
