I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
