I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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