I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
