you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
