i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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