I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
