just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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