I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
