i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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