if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
