I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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