on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize