Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
