she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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