Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
