My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
