Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize