Soap is not a condiment
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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