remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
