Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
