this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
