You're my little dorito
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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