He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
