My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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