if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
