so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
