I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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