I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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