no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
