So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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