Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
