this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
