tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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