so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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