Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
