So drunk its hurt
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
my poor anus
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
