I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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