Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
