I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
