Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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