Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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