the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
