bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
