im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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