Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
