Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
