You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
