I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
