my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
farters have to be the big spoon...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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