Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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