And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
