I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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