I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just googled if crying burns calories
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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