Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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