I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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