My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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