My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
