one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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