A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i drank out of a bidet.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
