Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
No subtext here. People are naked.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
