fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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