You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I am naked and annoyed.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
