i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
