Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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