Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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