I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize